December 2020 - Wow, now 12 months since …….

Another two months gone by since my last entry. Well has anything really changed either, simply no. What did I expect? Are we any nearer to a ‘new’ normal? Well that depends on how we see things I suppose. Majority of people are pinning their hopes on vaccines doing their trick and fortunately one / two vaccines are now being rolled out very slowly but it is a start, which has got to be good news. However, clearly everyone getting a vaccine is going to take sometime and I suspect middle of next year could be close to a ‘new’ normal. Certainly as far MR and I are concerned, we are looking at early spring for vaccine may be? 

First, we have Christmas in a few days and by all accounts we are able to have upto 3 families mixing in a period of 5 days over Christmas although the Covid 19 will not be having a holiday though! I understand the reasons / logic of the Government making this decision BUT I am not sure it is such a wise thing to do. As some have said this will cost lives and is that really worth it? Yes, I know compromises have got to be made with families, going to work, shopping etc and got to find the right balance BUT how can you say that to a family member who has just lost a loved one due to Covid 19 because of the increase social activity over the Christmas period? As I write this, more Government discussions are going on because of an increase in cases over the last few days and whether to revised the decision or add additional restrictions to limit the impact? Regardless, I can see an increase in Covid 19 cases at the beginning of 2021 which will just prolong the nation’s agony! I hope I am wrong but I am not on my own thinking that! 

No doubt you may ask what we doing for Christmas? A fair question too. Well currently and under the Government guidlines, we are planning to see four members of our immediate family on Christmas Day! However, we all are going to have Covid 19 test 2/3 days before hand to make sure (at that time) we are clear. Well that is plan and who knows if it proceeds? I understand the need to see the family, yes it would be nice but as MR and I are the elder statepersons in the family, we importantly need to maintain social distancing and look after our welfare. So it comes back to my reservations, we so far manage to see the year out without health issues, I now would like to see the new year too. All will be revealed in my next bog entry sometime in the future. 

Now an explanation of my blog entry title header. Much to my amazement, it has been twelve months since I have been ‘me’ which is something I never encounted or expected to happen! Last time I had been dressed and gone out was 15th December 2019. Little did I think that be the last time and further more go through the whole of 2020 without going out! Wow! As I have indicated previously, I do not dress at home not without going out, it is not something I do although M.R. said I could dress at home but it is not what I am about. Yes enjoy dressing, being ‘me’ of course but it is more than just that. May be some girls will understand my thoughts, may be others don’t? Well, it is going to be a little more time and patience before things will change and the day will arrive to finally get out. Just say hopefully sometime in 2021, sooner the better! 

I do know, I will get some opportunities to get out in 2021 as I have stayed in contact with some girls and provisionally made some plans to meet up. This is keep me going in a small way knowing I do have something to look forward too. I also a ‘make over’ in abeyance too which something is to look forward too as well. This may give me the opportunity to try a different look or two also which I am open too. Well no harm in trying another style / look is there, I may just surprise myself!

Watching TV last night, someone ask what was your highlight of the year if any? This was an interesting question and think for most people, you be hard pressed to give a highlight for this year. M.R and I thought about this question and all we could come up with, was having two weekends with our grandchild in September and that is it! That tells a story about this year sadly! 

Well time to go, enough said for this entry, may be the last one for this year? Just leaves me to wish everyone a decent Christmas of some sort, along with a reasonable New Year too. May be better than expected, I sincerely hope so.  Take care and stay safe. 

 

October 2020 - Further away than ever!

Looking out of the window on a miserable rain sodden afternoon seems to sum up current life as we know it. On the bright side, most people I am sure we be staying indoors and keeping away from others as they should be doing! 

Strangely, this blog is suppose to be about my life as K.D. but given the present circumstances, there is not much I am able to write about me as life is dominated by outside factors. However, I will write ‘my’ thoughts first before other things in life which are dominated by one subject!  

If you had read my last entry, I was thinking about getting out again in some capacity as the lockdown situation seem to be improving but even I was writing that entry, clearly there was doubts whether the situation was improving. Well as we all know now especially those living in the North, the whole Covid 19 situation is getting worst and no signs it will get better any time soon. So I am now forgetting all thoughts about going out meeting others this year as it seems it not going to happen anyway! All I say is ‘Wow’, I never expected or dreamt that it would over 12 months at least in not being me. Fortunately, I have never looked too far in advance it would be this long, had I done, may be I could of cracked up by now, so sanity prevails! May be I just be content and say I will get out next year in 2021 which is only a few months away! 

Still in contact with a handful of girls from time to time but even there it is hard to chat about girly things as it has been so long since we have done anything, so we end chatting about other things in life! However, at least I know I am not on my own regarding being frustrated, attempting to have patience, as well as looking forward, hard that may seem to be! There will be light eventually, just need to know when?

As you are able to gather, still under the ‘Covid 19’ cloud and currently after a few improved months, we are now heading back on the road to hell with the increase rate of infections and winter is not far away either. According to some, another 6 months before there may be some daylight! Oh joy of joy’s and clearly a long tunnel ahead of us. I and certainly many many others have completely lost any faith (what little there was to begin with) with what ever comes out from the Government mouths, as clearly they got no idea what is going on. They say one thing, the opposite is actually happening and yet they have had many many months to get things into place, yet they remain sitting on their arses, appear to be doing nothing other than looking dumb, a state of confusion reigns and numerous people doing their own thing across the country! Absolutely brilliant don’t you think? 

Closer to home, life remains the same, M.R. and I remain in our own bubble. M.R. still surviving at work with no adverse affect fortunately and I start my seventh month of being furloughed with no sign of going back to work. When I mean no sign that includes no communication with employer other than the once a month e/mail to extend my furlough! Well, something will have to change at the end of this month for sure as the furlough scheme finishes so is it back to work in some capacity or finally it is the end for me? In some ways, I already accepted my fate sadly. While M.R. at work, I still finding being on own not always easy, too much time to think and being bored too! The latter is not a case of nothing to do, just the lack of motivation or the will to do anything. Thankfully some days are better than others so not everything has come to a halt yet! Certainly last of couple of weeks, I’ve manage to catch up on some jobs that need to be done but only because the weather has been ok. Now the weather has changed ……………… ! 

Well that is enough for now, so please stay safe and take care. xx 

August 2020 - Still in limbo!

Well, not a lot has happened since last entry, but we start with a brief positive, M.R. now back in work and everything seems to be working as far as social distancing and various safety measures in place too. However, alas as I am still furloughed and so unsure whether I do have a job or not.  Now with the added combination of being on my own while M.R. at work and outside world situation is no where near normality so trying to plan in getting out has it challenges to say the least and you got to keep thinking twice of what you can or cannot do while out too. However, with the weather not always decent let alone good, that option does not come into play and there is a limit on how to keep yourself occupied at home! Sadly all this is getting to me and not good for your mental health either. I am in a state of limbo and not even considering K.D. wants either! Strangely I am writing this entry because I’m bored and the reality I have nothing to write about! ;-)

As for K.D. I try to keep the kindle spirit there as such as clearly the outside world situation not improving fast by any stretch of the imagination. I try to keep in contact with some girls but some of them, just don’t respond, so why do I write in the first place! You know girls, it is about two way communication but if you don’t want to stay in contact then be ‘lady’ enough to say so, a simple message only takes a few seconds and then we can both move on! I really have given up, chasing after people, I don’t have time for it. Fortunately, there are two / three girls who remain in contact and there is some light relief there although I am sure, we would admit, going around in circles with some of the topics that are discussed! :-)) Regardless, I do appreciate our chats and messages, keeps some sanity going.

In the meantime, I have been thinking about how to get out and meet a friend or two in the current climate. One thing for sure, it is fraught with challenges and difficulties to overcome especially when you got other people to consider too. One thing I have concluded, a daylight outing is easier to encounter for numerous reasons due to social distancing measures, along with staying outside too. In other words avoid indoor places! Well it seems pretty pointless to make the effort to go out and then end up having to wear a mask. Yes, it has its advantages, but hey, more likely to blend in as hides most of your face but that defeats object of the exercise of going out! Evening outings are at the time, just too risky especially if going to Bar / Pub / Club / Restaurant as it is clear as the night wares on, social distancing goes out of the window due to the usual reason of drinking affects people’s judgement! So to me that is a non starter. Visiting a friend at their home could be possible but ‘we’ would have to be choosey who that friend could be given ‘family and work’ social mixing considerations too. Clearly, we need to create a ‘bubble’ to minimise the risk and knowing who we meet in the everyday world and if its only a few people, then it may be possible I suppose. The key is attempting to reduce the risk as much as possible and meeting outside, daytime seems to be the most likely option. However, how many girls do I know go out during the day, answers on a £50 note, thank you!  So as I have written above, it is fraught with challenges and difficulties but they are there to overcome. 

As already mentioned, I have not been KD, let alone been out this year, so unusually no images have been taken either. This meant I have not been able to update my Flickr site with some recent images and it is difficult to upload any images from the past as they have uploaded already! So my Flickr site remains in limbo too but I have manage recently to put one image up from over 10 years ago which almost I could reproduce the look today. May be with a couple of extra face lines but nothing too drastic which I find encouraging. There is hope for me yet! :-))

Mentioning 10 years, recently with time and boredom on my hands, I just realised how long I (KD) have been out and about in the everyday world and it is actually 15 years this month! Longer than I realise but also accepting the trials and tribulations in arriving at this point too. At times, it was clearly difficult, very frustrating but also rewarding on occasions. Met some nice people along the way too but also “indescribables” too, along with girls who you think they were friends but actually not, as they don’t see you as a friend! However, ‘our’ world is no different to the real world so no surprise I suppose. Interestingly, the last eight months, yes eight months, is the longest I have never appeared as KD in all that time and it could be still some time yet before I do! The thing is, will I remember how to dress, put make-up on and do other girly things too when the time comes? Who knows the secret of the black magic box some would say! :-)) 

So I’ve rambled enough now and I will finish this entry with the same words I started , I am ‘still in limbo’! :-) 

July 2020 - No Change!

Well today is the 5th July and becomes Groundhog Day 100! Yes, M.R. and my self have been constantly with each other since 27th March when I was furlough from work. Currently still furlough until 30th July but may be get called in earlier along with M.R. too? One hopes in a strange sort of way.  We just take one day at a time but in lots of ways, the daily routine is the same but sometimes that depends on the weather though but regardless we have good relationship.

As for Covid 19 related matters, I will just say that the Government clearly setting a consistent pattern by working backwards with lockdown decisions they make. I had always initially gave Boris Johnson the benefit of doubt since he has been office but his/ their handling of this crisis has been woeful at best and the honeymoon period for the Government is now over. As for future, who knows what is going to happen but I do expect a general second spike (outside Leicester lockdown) due what ‘joe public’ seems to be hell bent on doing around the country. What a sad state of affairs.

As for girly things, nothing has changed and continue to be patient. I have manage to chat to a handful of girls on the forums and clearly there is a need to get out and meet but again it is in the lap of the gods as and when that may happen. Some thought has been given for August / September but that depends on the ‘lockdown’ guidelines at the time along on how I feel too. Wait and see I suppose. Yes, it would be nice to be ‘me’ again and may be make up for lost time, who knows. In the meantime, I have a look into my wardrobe occasionally just to remind myself of some of the nice clothes I have and yet to wear. Next weekend would of been ‘Sparkle’ but like all events, cancelled but yes I would of gone for Friday and Saturday travelling to and from home rather than staying overnight. Ah well, hopefully 2021 event goes ahead. 

Well that is all I have to write about, so until the next time, stay safe and take care. 

April 2020 - Groundhog Day!

My previous entry was a general view on the Covod 19 situation but this entry is about my current circumstances. Well, the blog is about ‘me’ afterall.

Getting back to my March blog entry and the answer, I never went out because of the possible risks which was proved a few days later when the Government finally brought in the lockdown. So this year has been a disaster with no appearance of me let alone getting out. Now as things stand, it could be some time before I will get out. The question really will it be this year or next year before I get out, I think it could be the latter somehow.

Currently, I am on Groundhog Day number 26 which is one way of looking at ‘our’ situation. I have been furloughed since 27th March with M.R. has been off work a week earlier for ‘health’ reasons and since then we just have each other for company. Fortunately we have a good reationship and so far we been ok with each other, supporting each other in different ways, as well as having patience too. I just go out once a week for the shopping, taking the social distancing percautions and making the outing as short as possible. So far it has worked. However, it does worry me, if I get affected as clearly there is a knock on effect which scares the life out of me! I just leave that there for now. 

Since we been together and with the routine been more or less the same everyday, hence ‘Groundhog day’ , M.R. did ask a couple of weeks ago, would I like to dress sometime which was nice and the thought was appreciated. Surprisingly I said no which some people would say ’what’ but for me as KD, I have always dressed to go out and not for home purposes. It is what I prefer and how I enjoy being me. Currently, I’m happy to maintain that stance as fortunately, I have other things to keep me occupied while not in work. Ask me the question again in 3/4 months time, may be a different answer? We will wait and see. In the meantime, my wardrobes and draws full of my gear will remain untouch, with the occasional look to remind my self what I have. One thing for certain, no reason to purchase any more clothes that is for sure! 

So far, I have had contact with three other people and we are just checking up on each other which is nice. Hopefully, we will meet again. As far as the forums are concerned, since the lockdown, I have hardly bothered with them, yes a quick look from time to time but that is it. Certainly my impression of them at the moment is what I’ve always thought, people living in fantasy worlds. time wasters and more bullshitters. Same people going on them which tells its own story so I will leave it at that. 

Well, I’ve rambled enough, nothing else to write and time for bed, prepare for Groundhog Day number 27! Please stay safe and take care. xx

April 2020 - Hero's and Idiots!

For the majoriy of people, our lives have been turned upside down in many, many ways for some more so than others. Yes, we are in the middle of Covid 19 virus pandemic very sadly and ‘normal’ what ever that was for people is no longer ‘normal’. For some, it is their worst nightmare, others they shit scared, some are hero’s although they don’t accept or realise it, others carry on if nothing has happened and some think it is a hoilday, thinking they carry on because they think they are super human and won’t catch the virus! The mind boggles were you certainly see the good and bad behaviour of human beings! 

It goes without saying the people at the front line, the Doctors and Nurses who go beyond their duty, in some cases sacrifice their lives for the well being of their fellow human beings, words cannot describe what we think but everyone of them through out the world deserve a medal but I know they be happy seeing people recover but also importantly, they make it to the end too. To me they are the HERO’s. However, there are many many other people who are risking their lives, some more than others to keep the NHS and the country going, they all deserve a mention and again our grateful thanks too.   

On the flip side, we also see the idiots, the people you seem to do not care about others and think they carry on life as normal. Either being oblivious and just choose to ignoring the seriousness of the situation, thinking it wont happen to them! What possess them to think like that, I have no idea but they certainly need a reality check and one way of that happening, is to watch a BBC news report taken inside a Intensive Care Unit on how the doctors and nurses cope and look after the various people who are suffering from the Covid 19 virus! It is hard hitting and you got to be impressed by the dedication of the staff but also feel for them too. Then you see the various patients, and you begin to shit yourself to realise how percarious life is! Talking of living on the edge is an understatement. 

Let us hope that at some future date in the medium term, we all come out of this alive and well, may be just may be, we will all be better people for it too - I wont hold my breath but I will hope though! Please stay safe and take extreme care.  

(PS: My next blog entry will be about my personal situation during this period).

March 2020 - Somethings do change sadly!

Woke up this morning and much to my surprise, I received a message from a girl asking if I be interested in going out tomorrow night, yes to the Village, Manchester. Well I been asking to get out and here is an opportunity! But guess what, I’m presented with this and sudden I have doubts within myself in wanting to get out afterall. Why and what is going on? Do or don’t I though? 

Regardless, today is not a good day sadly. Both M.R. and I are animal lovers and consequently for most of our lives, we had cats around who have left us with many happy memories. We always had two / three cats and recently that had been no different! Unfortunately, a month ago our female car ‘W’ passed away in her sleep age 15 years, she was the noisey one in the house and ain’t it quiet! So we were left with two males, one age 10 ’T’ and the other age 18 ‘G’ but sadly just two hours ago, we had to put ‘G’ asleep as his quality of life was not getting any better. ‘G’ was the most pacid cat we ever had, would not harm a flee, always looking for a stroke and a cuddle, did he get them, of course. Now he is no more and just buried him with ‘W’ in the back garden. Yes its raw and it hurts too. I’m sure we will get over it in time, we humans always do but thank you ’G’ for your love, kindness and happy memories. Now we concentrate on ’T’ who is now on his own and of course our wonderful dog ‘H’ too. Regardless losing two cats in a month is a little difficult at the moment. 

Just makes you realise, how cruel life can be and who are the worst ones, human beings of course, some who show no love, no compassion, give spite, unforgiving, are selfish, the list is endless yet animals are not like this. It does make you wonder though who are the real ‘animals’?

In the meantime, I have still an invite to consider but has fate intervene yet again in the light of today’s sad event? Now is not the time to consider but it does really make me wonder whether KD is meant to be anymore. 

March 2020 - Not much changed

Well a belated happy new year to all and hopefully you have had a good start to it too. Unfortunately for me, the start of year and now its March has been the worst start since KD has been going out! In simple terms no appearance no outings and nothing seems to changing in the near future either! 

Since my last blog entry, I have had one outing, mid December and that was to Carla’s (Cheshire Dressers) xmas party were about 20/30 girls received invites to have a get together for xmas. In the end about 15 girls turned up wih Carla being an excellent host. It was nice to see some of the other girls (from different parts of the country too) and a good evening was had. However, the usual thing happened at the end of the evening, yes we must keep in contact and arrange an outing. No guesses what has happened! Regardless that has been my only outing. Since then and within the last two weeks, unfortunately I was suppose to meet Carla last week but although I have attempted to contact her, first to firm the day was OK and the time too but sadly no response and same has happened with follow up communications. For some totaly unknown reason, Carla looks she does not want to contact me and I have no idea why. Any guesses anyone because I am none the wiser. 

In mid January I received three invites to go out at the end of the month, all with a few days of each other and I was looking forward to them too. Mmmm I thought at last, wear some of new dresses I purchase in the recent sales. First outing was to meet Nickie from Northern Ireland who comes over twice a year for the Northern Concord events. As the time was getting nearer, the dreaded virus hit me again but hoping i be ok for the meet with Nickie! Yes I met Nickie but I had to go in ‘bob’ mode as clearly I could not disguise my discomfort and no choice but to go as I had on last occasion (September) cancelled at the last moment due to ill health and was not going to do it again, so Nickie was ok with me coming as ‘bob’ instead. Fortunately a nice evening, meet and chat was had with Nickie looking nice and being sympathic with my health issue. I must admit it was strange for me meeting another girl in 'bob' mode but what choice did I have in the circumstances as I could not cancel again. 

Sadly my health got worst over the next few days and had no choice but to cancel my other two meets. Strangely after about 10 days or so, again after seeing a consultant on my follow up health appointment I was ok to get out. Mmmm but hey ho, nothing doing and still remains like that now.  This is even after I posted a couple of messages on two forums seeking new friends / meets but very little response sadly especially locally as such. Now I have no idea what to do for the future and in some ways, do I have one? I’m losing the will to be KD again unfortunately yet I enjoy being me and wearing my lovely clothes! What a sad situation to be in and I have tried too. 

Well that is the lot for now - will there be another blog entry, who knows!!!