Tuesday, 29 March 2022

March 2022 - Life moves slowly upwards.

It has been four months since I have updated my blog but the reality, not much to write about when personal priorities are elsewhere. In those months and on the positive side, family life matters have improved, thankfully on a slow upward scale but with more time and patience, we will get there, that I am sure. Since my last entry, M.R. and I have now retired, work / employment is now a thing of the past and has become history. Do either of us miss it, we let you know when we stop laughing! Just say good riddens as we start another chapter in our lives. The thing is, were are we in our ongoing book, certainly long past the mid way point but are we near the end though? 

As for general life, well Covid restrictions are now lifted and life is gradually returning to a new normal, were we start to live with the Covid virus along with the changing world too which is having an effect on everyone and it be sometime (if ever) things will calm down. May be the start of a 'new' world and not necessarily one that we may like. However, that is my serious thought were I will leave it to others to ramble on about the rights and wrongs of our confused world. Well you don’t need to read about it here when you have social media if you want the latest updates. Time to move on …..

Now things are settling down in my world were I am able to be in the position to get out again as it has been too long. So since beginning of this month, I have had the time and opportunity to get out but hey ho, nothing doing! As mentioned before, I have kept in contact with some girls and was thinking that at last we could meet up but attempting to think about let alone arranging a meeting is proving difficult to say the least. Part of the reason, lack of communication or when there is, it is slow in receiving. I accept we all have our own lives to lead and being who we are does come secondary but I was really hoping I would of been out by now!

As I have previously mentioned on a few occasions, I do not enjoy going out on my own, there is no fun in that but I know other girls will say otherwise. Going out on speculation has never done it for me and always feel let down afterwards! Currently, I feel a little sceptical about the future as I have been down this path many times before where things have been said, yes girls say we should meet but when push comes to shove, it does not happen and it has been all a waste of time. I just cannot go through that all again, I will be extremely unhappy and annoyed if it happens were I doubt it will do my mental well being any good.

On the positive side, currently next month could be when things will happen as there are possibilities of getting out at least twice with two girls but as yet no definite dates made. There is still time to make those arrangements so fingers cross but I do have some nice dresses for starters I would like to wear rather than them remain hanging up in the wardrobes. Mmmm it will be novel getting ready to go out as it has been a while. Will I remember the routine and what to do again, especially when it comes to make up etc. Could it take all day to get ready and then too late to go out! Will have to wait and find out in due course. 

The other thing that comes into the equation when going out, is where and when during the day. With the exception of one daylight outing in September last year, it been well over two years since I have been out especially in the evening, therefore you got to ask the question, what changes have there been since then especially in places like the Manchester Village etc. Are the old haunts still available or have they been replaced or even disappeared all together? In some ways, it will be starting fresh again, you know the unknown and take it as it comes to see what happens. Also, not been out as such, to attempt to restore your confidence and manners once again, clearly I need faith in myself once again and hopefully everything else will follow. Yes the doubts are there but must face upto them otherwise I end up like countless girls, never get out and remain in the closet for ever! Nah I can’t do with that! 

Well that is enough for now and just say a very belated happy new year to all. xx

Tuesday, 16 November 2021

November 2021 - Life changes in a second!

It has been well over two months since my last entry and the title of this thread tells a story to say the least. Yes, life changes in one second especially when you least expect it! 

Well the good news first. Six days after I wrote the last blog entry, I actually manage to get out for the first time in 21 months, last outing being December 2019! An unexpected  opportunity arose with a new found friend Carole from Crewe, who I have been in contact for a couple of months. Whilst chatting with each other a couple days previously, I realise I had an opportunity to meet Carole during an afternoon and by chance Carole was free too. So we arrange to meet for tea and scones in a Garden Centre near Nantwich. Anyway, the day arrived and attempting to decide what to wear, along with remembering to apply make up too, the morning proved to be a challenge but eventually outfit chosen, make up applied and off I went. As for the outfit, well went for bootleg jeans, smock type top, short jacket, small heels and of course hangbag too for more of the everyday / casual look. 

After a slightly longer journey than I anticipated, I finally met Carole at the Garden Centre were we had a nice afternoon tea including sandwiches along with a good natter getting to know more about each other. Much to our surprised we had a number of things in common and along learning more about each others past. Soon enough, time flies when enjoying good company, it was time to say our farewells and head home, but not before agreed to meet again sometime in the future. At that time, I was thinking, at last I’m out again and won’t be long before another outing would be on the cards! 

Now this is were the title of the thread comes into play! A few days after my outing, my and M.R’s lives were changed due to an unexpected out of the blue family emergency which would change our circumstances for the short to medium term with priorities were now firmly placed elsewhere including caring duties! Our lives were completely flipped upside down especially we had been thinking we were beginning to turn the corner and things were now looking a bit better especially with the lifting of Covid restrictions, looking forward to our retirement and thought the worst was over after what happened earlier in the year. How silly to think like that and things now got worst instead. How life can be so cruel, but many many people in the world know that feeling anyway but you always think never happens to you. However, its life were it plays to your dealt hand of cards instead. 

So what has above to do with me as KD? Simply, the change of circumstances along more important change priorities means future outings are very much at a premium and realistically be next year before I may be able to consider an outing again. Sadly this puts meeting new found friends on hold for a while longer with the only possibily of an outing would be at short notice assuming I have a friend to meet with my past experience, highly unlikely it would happen. Strangely this opportunity arose a few weeks ago and met Carole again but more by good fortune than anything else. Another enjoyable outing never the less but I am not sure I will be so lucky again. 

So once again, things outside of my control dictate my femme life and it could be sometime before I make an appearance again. However, my (our) proirities are more importantly elsewhere and always remain so until back to some sort of normality. It could be a while! 

Friday, 10 September 2021

September 2021 - Going out?

It is now September and Covid 19 ‘lockdowns’ lifted so a sense of normality is coming back, well almost as it more like a ‘new’ normality. The harsh reality that Covid 19 has not gone away, still very much around and as I write this entry, the virus is on the increase again which is no surprise. Yes the Government is relying on vaccine to do its job, i.e. reduce the risk as well as about 85% population now vaccinated. Just leaves the other 15% which for numerous reasons, those people will not get one! Bottom line, we cannot remain in lockdown for ever but not 100% convinced we will not have another lockdown during the winter sometime? In the meantime, the Government and relevant parties now need to crack on with booster Covid jabs as well as the flu jab as delay it anymore will cause numerous issues, including an increase in deaths may be? 

I must admit, by now I thought I would of finally got out at least once if not twice to meet friends but guess, I’m still waiting (a song by Diana Ross I recall)! Oh yes, some past problems have re-surfaced again and its called ‘work’, mmmm no surprise there! Yes, I finally recalled back to work at beginning of August after 16 months on furlough and it was abit of a shock to the system! Consequently, I have decided to make some changes to my working life and this will come to an end next year. This should give more time to more things including being ‘me’! In the meantime, My opportunities getting out once again dominated by work schedules and finding the right time / day to meet friends which currently not crossing paths. Anyway, I am slightly optimistic this may change in the next couple of weeks. Fingers cross.

While there have been lockdowns, I did seek the opportunity to contact ‘new’ girls  and if you read my previous recent entries, you will gather that I have done. With the exception of a couple girls, friends of yesteryear have now become just that ’yesteryear’. As I have written before, I have attempted to maintain some contact with ‘yesteryear’ friends but no joy so I am not waiting around anymore and will now attempt to meet ‘new’ friends whom seem to have more common interests in what I am looking for. If you unsure what they are, simply friendly, approachable, courteous, good sense of humour, caring and similar tastes / view in the fashion stakes too. Oh yes, happy to meet too. So for the time being I am concentrating on new found contacts and making efforts to get to know each other better rather than seek any more ‘new’ friends. 

My sales on Ebay are still progressing albeit slowly and now thinkning of adding a few more items to be sold in time for winter. Looking at my wardrobe, still have too many clothes, so another sort out on the cards. One thing I have noted my own preference has shifted to towards dresses rather than top / skirt so may be that is where the hit will be? 

Health wise I am fine thankfully but both M.R. and I are still attempting to recover from the ‘void’ from our lives but very sadly we both realise we doubt that we will ever recover from it as everyday there are constant reminders, not just at home but when we go out too. Every now and then, something we see or hear, brings it all  back and more tears are shed in the proccess. God it is sad and it emotionally hurts, life can be so cruel! 

Until the next time, when hopefully I have news of an outing or two, all stay safe. x

Monday, 14 June 2021

June 2021 - Moving On?

To answer the last question from my previous entry, it is actually no! Still waiting to get out but may be that now be next month or August all being well even under current lockdown restrictions. As I write this, I will assume the Government have decided to extend the current (reduced) restrictions for another four weeks which I think is the right decision. I must admit, this does not affect me as I have no intention in meeting people in groups etc, as for the time being, one to one meets are more than acceptable especially in off peak periods. However, we will wait and see.

As for life in general, things could always be better but of late it has been difficult. Although I touch upon a riddle in the third paragraph of my last entry, things since then have turned as expected but not knowing long it would be and sadly our worst fears have been realised over two weeks ago. Just say, it has been emotionally heartbreaking and we (M.R. and I) have now a big big void in our lives and life will never be the same again. Currently I find this situation challenging on a daily basis with some days better than others, not knowing what the right thing I should be doing at any given moment, as my thoughts keep drifting away! In the meantime, I am also recovering from a recent small operation were it meant maintaining my distance from people, although that is easy enough in the current climate. Regardless my recovery is going better than expected.

On the Ebay front, a number of clothes have been sold already which is additional pocket money for the future but still have some clothes still waiting for bids. Time and patience, they will go eventually. In the meantime, I have been going through my past photo pictures, deleting numerous unwanted pictures but also coming across pictures that I had completley forgotten about, especially from over ten years ago! Some are now appearing on my photo stream in consequence. I must admit, a handful of them were better than expected and even I think they look at least OK if not good! 

Still in contact with my friends but we feel now, we are finally getting closer to meeting finally. Mmmm long overdue and I cannot wait now. Will I remember how to get ready, apply my make-up and look presentable? Hopefully I will but I imagine, it will take me a initially bit longer to get ready before the nerves start shaking before leaving the front door! I’ve forgotten what that was like! 

Well that is enough for this entry and may be good news will be written in my next entry, as and when. 

Wednesday, 14 April 2021

April 2021 - Sixteen Months!

It has been four months since my last entry and also my first one for this year too! However, not much to write about so I decided to wait to make an entry.

The title of the entry is ‘Sixteen Months’ and why, if you have not figured it out already? Simply that is how long since I have been me and gone out too. Ask yourself the question, would you think at that time it be that long before you could get out again and the answer simply is no. Wow! However, with the exception of the people in China (attempting to cover it up and a lot to answer for too), no one knew what was coming and how it would change everyone’s lives for the future. So how life has changed along with the thousands upon thousands of lives lost in consequence too. The world is a different place now. 

As we all know, everyday life has been put on hold and social mixing of any sort has not been the done thing. This has hit me (and others) in an unexpected way but that I have accepted as there are more important things in life to concern yourself with. Regardless, it has been frustrating but is there now light at the end of very long tunnel. Pandemic restrictions are gradually being lifted as the everyday situation improves along with over half of the UK polulation has now had a vaccine jab of one sort or another which helps to reduce the risk of getting serious Covid 19. Does this mean I am any nearer in getting out again soon? May be yes, may be no, as I still think we need to wait until end of May to make sure that there are no hiccups and we don’t go backwards again. Fingers cross, it continues to improve. Regardless, it cannot come soon enough to be me and get out again.

In the meantime, other aspects of my life have been different, difficult and sometimes quiet too. Here is not the place to write about it unfortunately but I have had better days on occasions along with knowing that something is going to happen in the future is going to hit M.R. and myself very hard emotionally, something neither of us are looking forward too but in the meantime make the most of what we have on a daily basis. Sorry for the riddle but here is not the place to write about it. Also with the current restrictions which are getting better, our main priority is see our family again, something like countless other people have been waiting to do. Hopefully in mid May this will all change, fingers cross. 

Currently I remain in contact with three experience girls on a regular basis, strangely none of whom I have met yet but we are hoping to put that right in the summer. They have been my saviour and keeping me sane too, therefore it has been appreciated for your contact too. Thank you. 

I was in regular contact with another girl but she has not communicated for two months but I have figured she needs to sort herself out in her head and sadly I don’t have any more patience for her. So if you are reading this, then please don’t contact me. To be honest this girl has become the straw that finally broke the camels back. I have always had time for ‘new’ girls, those who are commencing their journey and was always happy to offer encouragement, advice, my experience and information, along with ultimately offering to meet them. However over the last two / three years, it has become a source of frustration with the girls you are wishing to help, they tend to have ‘reasons’, some genuine. some not for wanting to get progress. The reality though, most are not prepared to think for them selves, think outside the box and hoping you have all the answers to their problems. Of course I don’t but I have now had enough of ‘new / beginner’ girl timewasters. So decided for once and for all, time for me to get on with MY life what is left of it as I am not getting younger for sure! 

Finally, my wardrobe is slowly getting smaller as I have now had a good sort out. Some clothes going on Ebay, with other clothes will be on their way to a local charity shop. How many clothes does a girl need? I have far too many and I can only wear one item at a time anyway. 

Well that is enough for now, not sure when my next entry will be but could be a few weeks / months, just no idea. Regardless hopefully by the time of the next entry, I have been out and met a friend or two. 

Saturday, 19 December 2020

December 2020 - Wow, now 12 months since …….

Another two months gone by since my last entry. Well has anything really changed either, simply no. What did I expect? Are we any nearer to a ‘new’ normal? Well that depends on how we see things I suppose. Majority of people are pinning their hopes on vaccines doing their trick and fortunately one / two vaccines are now being rolled out very slowly but it is a start, which has got to be good news. However, clearly everyone getting a vaccine is going to take sometime and I suspect middle of next year could be close to a ‘new’ normal. Certainly as far MR and I are concerned, we are looking at early spring for vaccine may be? 

First, we have Christmas in a few days and by all accounts we are able to have upto 3 families mixing in a period of 5 days over Christmas although the Covid 19 will not be having a holiday though! I understand the reasons / logic of the Government making this decision BUT I am not sure it is such a wise thing to do. As some have said this will cost lives and is that really worth it? Yes, I know compromises have got to be made with families, going to work, shopping etc and got to find the right balance BUT how can you say that to a family member who has just lost a loved one due to Covid 19 because of the increase social activity over the Christmas period? As I write this, more Government discussions are going on because of an increase in cases over the last few days and whether to revised the decision or add additional restrictions to limit the impact? Regardless, I can see an increase in Covid 19 cases at the beginning of 2021 which will just prolong the nation’s agony! I hope I am wrong but I am not on my own thinking that! 

No doubt you may ask what we doing for Christmas? A fair question too. Well currently and under the Government guidlines, we are planning to see four members of our immediate family on Christmas Day! However, we all are going to have Covid 19 test 2/3 days before hand to make sure (at that time) we are clear. Well that is plan and who knows if it proceeds? I understand the need to see the family, yes it would be nice but as MR and I are the elder statepersons in the family, we importantly need to maintain social distancing and look after our welfare. So it comes back to my reservations, we so far manage to see the year out without health issues, I now would like to see the new year too. All will be revealed in my next bog entry sometime in the future. 

Now an explanation of my blog entry title header. Much to my amazement, it has been twelve months since I have been ‘me’ which is something I never encounted or expected to happen! Last time I had been dressed and gone out was 15th December 2019. Little did I think that be the last time and further more go through the whole of 2020 without going out! Wow! As I have indicated previously, I do not dress at home not without going out, it is not something I do although M.R. said I could dress at home but it is not what I am about. Yes enjoy dressing, being ‘me’ of course but it is more than just that. May be some girls will understand my thoughts, may be others don’t? Well, it is going to be a little more time and patience before things will change and the day will arrive to finally get out. Just say hopefully sometime in 2021, sooner the better! 

I do know, I will get some opportunities to get out in 2021 as I have stayed in contact with some girls and provisionally made some plans to meet up. This is keep me going in a small way knowing I do have something to look forward too. I also a ‘make over’ in abeyance too which something is to look forward too as well. This may give me the opportunity to try a different look or two also which I am open too. Well no harm in trying another style / look is there, I may just surprise myself!

Watching TV last night, someone ask what was your highlight of the year if any? This was an interesting question and think for most people, you be hard pressed to give a highlight for this year. M.R and I thought about this question and all we could come up with, was having two weekends with our grandchild in September and that is it! That tells a story about this year sadly! 

Well time to go, enough said for this entry, may be the last one for this year? Just leaves me to wish everyone a decent Christmas of some sort, along with a reasonable New Year too. May be better than expected, I sincerely hope so.  Take care and stay safe. 


Sunday, 4 October 2020

October 2020 - Further away than ever!

Looking out of the window on a miserable rain sodden afternoon seems to sum up current life as we know it. On the bright side, most people I am sure we be staying indoors and keeping away from others as they should be doing! 

Strangely, this blog is suppose to be about my life as K.D. but given the present circumstances, there is not much I am able to write about me as life is dominated by outside factors. However, I will write ‘my’ thoughts first before other things in life which are dominated by one subject!  

If you had read my last entry, I was thinking about getting out again in some capacity as the lockdown situation seem to be improving but even I was writing that entry, clearly there was doubts whether the situation was improving. Well as we all know now especially those living in the North, the whole Covid 19 situation is getting worst and no signs it will get better any time soon. So I am now forgetting all thoughts about going out meeting others this year as it seems it not going to happen anyway! All I say is ‘Wow’, I never expected or dreamt that it would over 12 months at least in not being me. Fortunately, I have never looked too far in advance it would be this long, had I done, may be I could of cracked up by now, so sanity prevails! May be I just be content and say I will get out next year in 2021 which is only a few months away! 

Still in contact with a handful of girls from time to time but even there it is hard to chat about girly things as it has been so long since we have done anything, so we end chatting about other things in life! However, at least I know I am not on my own regarding being frustrated, attempting to have patience, as well as looking forward, hard that may seem to be! There will be light eventually, just need to know when?

As you are able to gather, still under the ‘Covid 19’ cloud and currently after a few improved months, we are now heading back on the road to hell with the increase rate of infections and winter is not far away either. According to some, another 6 months before there may be some daylight! Oh joy of joy’s and clearly a long tunnel ahead of us. I and certainly many many others have completely lost any faith (what little there was to begin with) with what ever comes out from the Government mouths, as clearly they got no idea what is going on. They say one thing, the opposite is actually happening and yet they have had many many months to get things into place, yet they remain sitting on their arses, appear to be doing nothing other than looking dumb, a state of confusion reigns and numerous people doing their own thing across the country! Absolutely brilliant don’t you think? 

Closer to home, life remains the same, M.R. and I remain in our own bubble. M.R. still surviving at work with no adverse affect fortunately and I start my seventh month of being furloughed with no sign of going back to work. When I mean no sign that includes no communication with employer other than the once a month e/mail to extend my furlough! Well, something will have to change at the end of this month for sure as the furlough scheme finishes so is it back to work in some capacity or finally it is the end for me? In some ways, I already accepted my fate sadly. While M.R. at work, I still finding being on own not always easy, too much time to think and being bored too! The latter is not a case of nothing to do, just the lack of motivation or the will to do anything. Thankfully some days are better than others so not everything has come to a halt yet! Certainly last of couple of weeks, I’ve manage to catch up on some jobs that need to be done but only because the weather has been ok. Now the weather has changed ……………… ! 

Well that is enough for now, so please stay safe and take care. xx